Shabby Ranks breaks off from arguing about Arsenal long enough to place this week’s singles in descending order of Doctor Who aceness.

TOM BAKER
The Drums/Best Friend
Weren't the indie 80s terrific? They still are. Brooklyn Postcard-y revivalists The Drums have made a corking, generous little ditty that takes some perky Cure, a dab of Orange Juice and pretty much all of that Pillows & Prayers compilation and makes your heart soar. You may surmise there's nothing very new here, but I don't give a stuff.

DAVID TENNANT
Shakespear's Sister/It's A Trip
Confession: I heart Shuv. Always have. Even when she left Sarah and Keren in the lurch to make mad harpy records with that screecher off Popstar To Operastar, she still looked cheekily cute mentalling around on You're History and that other one I quite like. "Bye, bye, my old friend," you know the one. Pop-Op screecher was booted way back, so this is Shuv and pals sounding like Juliette Lewis fronting Garbage covering I Feel Love, and not as bad as that sounds. In fact OK.

WILLIAM HARTNELL
Clipse/I'm Good
Pharrell Williams's bitches treat us to what is, in essence, a four-minute intro. I could've sworn Clipse were all hard and street tuff (woo/yeah)? Instead, this is soppy and summery hip hop in Fresh Prince stylee and features the immortal assertion, "Hell yeah, my rims match". Which is good news all round, let's face it.

COLIN BAKER
Tiësto featuring Nelly Furtado/Who Wants To Be Alone
Because we all need Howard Jones's synth-plink scorcher New Song redone as politely pulsing eurohouse topped off with Furtado whining like a doodlebug, don't we? Actually, I'm a little bit exercised that Gordon Brown has allowed it to be released in this country at all. It's as compelling a reason as any for a change of government. We can't go on like this.

JOHN CULSHAW
Scouting For Girls/This Ain't A Love Song
Indeed not. It's a Keane song. And not one of the good ones either (shut up; there are good Keane songs). Which makes it a Script song, heartfelt in the purely box-ticking sense with puny piano vamps and please-get-this-to-Number-1 strings. And yeah, this is going to be Number 1. It's going to be Number 1 on the day our lord Jesus rose from the tomb. Think about that.